So my kids don’t sleep.

Adam is a night owl.  Like his dad.  Would MUCH prefer staying up all night long.

Both are BEARS then to get up early in the morning…THOUGH the both seem to have internal clocks that still wake them around 7:30 no matter HOW late they were up.

This can make for really grouchy kids.

Tara sleeps…but only in two hour increments.  We have had the odd three and four hour miracle..but not much.  She is successfully following along in the tradition of being a total pain when it comes to bed time.

What  I find interesting is my perception of this….how I deal with it with each subsequent child.

Adam was our first! Our little prince among princes.  We jumped and gasped and worried at every hitch in his breathe…not a cry was allowed to pass his dainty lips.

Daddy dutifully walked him to sleep every night when we found that only that would do.

This was after stretches in swings, the stroller and the car.

We read every book on sleep and baby behavior religiously.

Caitlyn didn’t want to sleep either.   Only the bouncy seat ON, sitting on the dryer ON would work for any stretch.

She also wouldn’t be put down…ever.   She lived on me.    Or the vibrating bouncy seat.

I would sit up at night rocking her into the wee small hours.   Thank God for our large DVD collection.

We tried it all.  The cereal in the bottles.  Huge feeds before bedtime.  Soothing baths…..swaddling, unswaddling, co sleeping, alone sleeping…you name it, we have probably tried it.

When we started to get really squirrely we thought we might try that ’sleep training’ thing they were all talking about.

I seem to recall sitting outside her door, the both of us in TEARS listening to her crying…I think she cried for maybe 5 minutes.  Ever.

This probably explains why my first children seem to have such huge cases of self entitlement.

Tara is getting a slightly different experience.

Not that she isn’t fussed and coddled over any less. Probably MORE with her doting siblings.

But while she is another non sleeper…she has her own style and pattern different again from the first two.

She isn’t one for being held and does not often now fall asleep in your arms.   At 6.5 months she is pretty programmed at falling asleep in either the crib, the bassinet or the car seat.

I can count on one hand the times she has fallen asleep in the stroller.  The outside world is WAAAY too exciting for our little T.

So with T, I do a little snuggle and a feed and then bundle her up in the crib.  Give her a little bit more of her bottle and then walk away with just some lullabies playing for her….or the radio.  That works too.

She does cry.   But it no longer stabs me in the heart.   And I can tell the cry of really needing mommy and I will come rushing.

So she fusses a bit and falls asleep on her own and she seems to like it that way.

Am I a bad mom for this?  I am sure some will say so.   But she is happy when I put her down and happy when I go into see her.

Has parenting three kids through sleepless nights hardened my heart?  Maybe just a tad.  I can walk away in the middle of the night and be more focused on finding some blessed sleep instead of wringing my hands in anguish and guilt over her cries.

Is it because I am older?  Not wiser for sure….

I don’t feel cruel.  I adore Tara.  We feel so blessed by her presence.   She is a happy exuberant baby and we all feed on her joy.

She just doesn’t sleep enough.  My instincts tell me to just go with what works for now..and try try try to convince her that more than two hours would be a FABULOUS idea!

Mommy is losing her mind.

My kids almost had a heart attack when I told them this:  Kinder Chocolate is an OFFICIAL sponsor of the Italian Olympic Team.   For the duration of the Olympics, The Roundhouse Community Centre will be transformed into  ’Casa Italia.’

The Family Crunch have been asked to attend a special family event hosted by Kinder and Casa Italia on Saturday, February 13th, from 4 to 6 pm.  Children will have the chance to play, dance and laugh at the official Italian Olympic Teams head quarters – making this the ultimate play date that the entire family will enjoy!

I am also able to invite FOUR of my fab readers/followers and their families to this event.

So..I think the best way to do this is to throw it out to the Twitter world.

The first four people to DM (direct message) Crunchy Carpets can join me and my kids at this family friendly Olympic event!

The other day the kids had a special assembly at school where they were visited by a policewoman.  She was apparently talking about bullying, but the handout that the kids brought home was about  what is basically ‘Stranger Danger.’

The Lower Mainland has had a rash of attempted child abductions AND has horrifyingly connected some brutal attacks on young teens and pre-teens to ONE SUSPECT who has been praying on children for years around here.

We had our OWN close call with a man exposing himself to Caitlyn in the summer at our complex’s playground.

This has all sadly brought the reality home to us all that it really is NOT safe out there for our kid.

I thought I would share a few pointers on the note…also, please visit the Vancouver Police Department website (for Vancouverites) for more information.  There is also Child Find, Safe Kids Canada and Cyber Tips.

For Parents:

- Never leave your small children alone, especially in a car.

- Always accompany your child to a public washroom.

- Be aware of the people around you.  If anyone is paying extra attention to your child and it makes you uncomfortable, call 911.

- Keep up to date photos of your children.  Record their height, weight, eye and hair colour and any distinctive birth marks.

- As soon as they are able, make sure your child know their complete name, address and telephone number.

- Teach your child about 911

-Teach your child to not give out this information without permission from you or someone they trust.

- Teach your child that a stranger is anyone they don’t know.  Even someone friendly.  If someone they don’t know tries to touch them, or take them somewhere, they should scream, kick and yell.

- Don’t scare your kids.   We know not all ’strangers’ are bad.  But teach them about trusting their instincts.   And teach them about personal space and what you can do with friends and family is not appropriate with people that they do not know.

- Make sure your child knows to never enter a car or house of someone they don’t know.

- Make sure you know your children’s friends.

- Come up with a secret word.  This can be used in emergencies when someone the kids might not be familiar with is allowed to pick them up from school for example.

- LISTEN to what your children say.  If they are uncomfortable with someone…babysitter, family member, friend of family, etc. Find out why.

- Teach them to go to a  store clerk or cashier if they are lost in a mall.  Or a woman.  (statistically, women strangers are still safer).

- Teach them to yell for help if they are in a dangerous situation.   “This is not my mom/dad”  (On Dr. Phil, it was “Danger Danger 911″)

- To remember that this all does not mean that children cannot be polite and respectful of people they do not know.  Children need to learn to speak to adults and to learn what is appropriate and what is not.

An adult should NOT need assistance from a child (can you help me find my puppy).  An adult should not be trying to touch them or ask them to get in their cars.

******

I was thinking about all of this and the scary stories about child abductions that fill the media and wondering if the world really IS a scarier place than it was when say, I was kid.

But you know what? I think it is just that we are more aware and maybe less naive.

I remember as a pre-teen and teen cars slowing and stopping and offering me rides when I was walking alone on streets.  This was in broad daylight.   It was from men of all ages and types if I recall now.  I find it interesting that I have barely given this a thought in my entire adult hood until now.  But I do remember.   I remember just being polite and saying no thank you and carrying on.

I honestly don’t know what I would have done if the issue had been forced by one of these men.

I do think that the sense of community is not as strong as it was when I was a child.   I used to ride public transit to school as a child in Edinburgh.   I was taught to be polite to adults.    I recall many conversations on the buses with seniors who were genuinely interested in what I was doing and wanted to make sure I arrived at my destination safely.

People looked out for kids out in the public venues.  People helped moms.  People ‘fussed’ for lack of a better word.  But I think we were grateful for that fuss.

I think the biggest thing to remember is for us and our kids..is to go with our guts.  If things don’t feel right…then they are not right.

Teach our kids to follow their own feelings and not necessarily those of their friends and peers.

If you are out and about keep an eye on the children you see around you.   Be helpful.  Be aware.

My dad was an artist. A frustrated one…but a good artist.
My mom has a couple of his watercolors in her house. I have a cool sketch of a ‘fantastical’ warrior he did. He made a brief living as a commercial artist too.

My mom is good at drawing too..but just for fun.

It doesn’t end there. Martin Smeaton is my 2nd or 3rd cousin..I can never figure it out…HE is an amazingly talented sculptor who has turned his talents to mostly Film and Theatre work.    He became a hero to me when he casually dropped in a conversation once, that he had worked on Aliens.  You know, with James Cameron.  Oh yeah and Legend too…with Ridley Scott.   Snerk.

I think his latest work was for Angels and Demons.  He has also done sculptural work for the Atlantis Resort in the Bahamas.

I totally nerded out when I  met him.

Then there is my Uncle.   He struggled for years to break into the world of comics, but without much luck.  Now he does these great personalized comic and animation cels.  They are really fun.

It was because of him that I became addicted to comic books.  He used to send ship loads for me to Scotland.

THEN there is his girlfriend/partner in crime.  SHE is an incredible artist who quietly works away from their home/studio on Pender Island.

I am soooo jealous.

So it is really no surprise that Caitlyn is such a good artist at such a young age.  She has real talent and potential plus an enjoyment for all things creative.

It runs in the family.

Full Disclosure….am just posting this because I do genuinely love their stuff!  No payment was given for gushing!

As a slightly nerdy uncool ‘rent, I am always happy when our parental nerdiness shows up in our kids!  Our own little creations!

I love that they are as into movies and comics etc as we are!

When I comes to fashion I love finding stuff that isn’t chain store cute.  This is especially hard when Caity is such a pink and lover of all things trademarked!

Budget constraints and a total lack of creativity in myself tend to thwart this endeavor mostly.

However..Vancouver is FILLED with amazing people who design and make kids clothing.  Like crazy full of them.  Thanks to Twitter and amazing people like Sue at Raspberry Kids and Anne-Marie at Yoyomama I have been discovering more and more of these people and now wish I was rich.

I wish I could buy every single cute toy that Raspberry Kids has for Tara.  They are all fun and safe and environmentally friendly.

I have picked up a few pieces so far and hope to keep doing so.  My kids LOVE the unique pieces we have found for them and I LOVE that.

I bought dresses for Caity and a hip long sleeved T for Adam from Redfish Kids Clothing. Caity LOVES those dresses and with the leggings we picked up, wears those things to school, parties, playdates…pretty much anything that takes her fancy.  They are pretty and washable and the distinctive Japanese prints means she stands out from all the Disney Princesses.

Adam likes the T when he is in a Team Edward mood!

At Christmas my mom gave the kids some clothes she had found at a recent craft fair.  They were from Kiki Kid’s Wear and again have been HUGE hits with the kids.

These retro themed shirts have been a huge hit with the kids and I really hope they do more designs as again, both kids LOVE em.  They have fun baby stuff too.

I have perused Agoo Apparel on and off for a while.  I will admit to finding their items a bit steep in price – however – the materials they use are UV resistant and geared for active wear and a really great idea.  Needless to say when a chance (through blessed Twitter) arose for me to volunteer Tara as a model for their Spring collection..I jumped at the chance.

When we dropped by earlier in the week for a ‘fitting’ my older kids managed to score an outfit each.   They had to wear them out of there AND wear them the next day to school.

Tara – IMHO – looked freaking adorable in the stuff.

So on Thursday, with Caity as my assistant, we arrived for a photo shoot at ANOTHER great institution that I had heard of through Raspberry Kids – Bopomo Pictures.

That was organized chaos of cute babies and lovely little four year olds….interspersed with photoraphers and assistants cooing and squeeing to get the right reaction out of reluctant models like our little Tara.

She did okay..but was a tad overwhelmed by it all.  But looked adorable and I cannot wait (fingers crossed) for people to see the end results.

It was really fun and the folks from Agoo are awesome as are the photographers at Bopomo.

The clothes are super too.  It was great to see all these wriggly kids bouncing around in them.  A true test of any ‘active wear.’

I think my main point is..if you can….support your local designers and entrepreneurs.  It is tough out there and these creative people deserve our support.

I would be forever bankrupt but have gorgeously dressed kids if I could have my way.

Vancouver is filled with amazingly creative people and I LOVE that the interwebz has gotten me tuned into just a few of them so far!

Tara in her first Agoo outfit!

Today (Thursday) is my mommies birthday.
Being that it is a usual day of kids stuff and Tara attempting a PRO photo shoot for Agoo Apparel, it will be a day of running around with HOPEFULLY some birthday fun for her.

Because we love her.

I can guarantee she probably feels taken for granted many times. I abuse the LUXURY of having her around. But not just because she is around..but because a) yes I am sooo thankful for ANY help, but also b) she is my mommy and I like her keeping me company and just being with me.

We are very close. Still I hope!

It was just her and I for so long. Before poor Patrick came along, we could barely imagine NOT being just the two of us. Me having three kids has been a great surprise and I think fun for her!

My kids LOVE their Nana.

We have been talking about trying to buy a place and the first thing the kids said was ‘what about Nana?’ They have been so lucky to have been living so close to their Grandmother. What a joy. They love heading to her house without me. They love the freedom of being able to go for nana time WITHOUT mom.

They have a special relationship with her….I feel truly blessed.

I feel truly blessed that she puts up with me.
I KNOW I drive her crazy.
From my snarkiness to my messy house….I am sure she wonders where she went wrong on a daily basis.
I think she is close to the grandkids to save them from my terrible parenting.
I know she worries constantly.
But I worry too…and want nothing but the best for her.
We talk on the phone everyday, we see each other almost every day, we email each other….the other night my son was snuggled up with me in bed. He asked if you ever grow to old to snuggle with your mom.

No, I said. Never. I told him I would snuggle up in bed with my mom now too, if I could.

Happy Birthday Mom…..thank you for everything. Thank you for being you. Thank you for being such a great mom and friend and human being.

We love you.

Caity came up to me today and asked about writing a letter to Santa.
I sort of slapped down this idea and told her that she really would have to wait till closer to NEXT Christmas. She patiently let me ramble on and the clarified her thoughts for me.

Apparently she wanted to talk to Santa about this Christmas. She felt bad, she told me, because Adam didn’t get a BIG present and she did. She wanted to complain to the big man about this as she thought it wasn’t fair.

Now big for Caity was her Barbie house. Now I know what you are thinking, especially after she keeps telling EVERYONE that she got a HUGE Barbie house. She did not. In fact, we found the SMALLEST Barbie abode we could and were very proud of ourselves for that. But according to her THAT was a BIG gift and the bazillion EXPENSIVE video games that Adam got did not count because they were to diminutive in size.

First, I LOVE that this has weighed upon her little head. That she wanted to speak to the man in red on behalf of her brother is really sweet.

But second, it again shows you just how little the concept of money really means to kids. No matter, really, how hard you try to impress the value of money or how expensive something is…it is really abstract to a child.

For a five year old size does matter and is the only thing that counts. Hence why she and her brother tend to leap for the biggest candy bar in the store instead of maybe buying TWO smaller one’s.

Adam, at seven, is just starting to see this logic. Thank you teachers of math at school!

Speaking of Adam. Both my kids have been REALLY bad at going to sleep and it is really starting to show. Especially in Adam who is more emotional than me, which is kind of scary. You never know what is going to set him of. Caity just becomes very waspish the sleepier she gets.

So, every time I ask Adam to say pick up laundry or make his bed it usually causes a huge and teary break down and ‘oh the world is cruel’ episode.

I am tiring of this quickly. Which, I will admit, makes me a bit petty! GASP!

So I must admit to gloating a tad when I found the remote for Adams tv, which he claimed last night to be missing. Even last night I TOLD him it was not missing…that it was sitting on his bedside table as usual, but just buried under the pillows that always get pushed off his bed. He vehemently denied this. I told him to go look as I had just seen it there. ‘ooooh no, mom, I looked.’

Oh well. Daddy even offered 5 bucks to him if he found it.

Guess who got the five bucks.

Well I found it….exactly where I said it was.

I had gone in to check on him after being up with Tara for the 54th time and pushed the pillows back onto his bed and there it was. So I put it on the telus box and left it.

Only this am our wonder boy then proudly proclaimed to his dad that he had FOUND the remote!!

WTF! No way! That $5 is mine!

Explained to Crunchy Dad the TRUE story and claimed my smug little prize…while my poor boy wailed and moaned about it all.

Oooh the unfairness of it all.

Anything…ANYTHING to help get it into his brain about cleaning up.

Mind you…..the inability to ‘find’ things seems to be genetic on the BOYS side of this family and I am constantly ‘finding’ stuff for Crunch Dad too.

And how do I do that? How do I, even when this house is at its messiest should-be-on-hoarders disaster, am I the one who usually knows exactly where the missing item is!!???

Is that my super power?

You tell me.

So I have come to realize….probably DUE to living in a cluttered house that I dislike it immensely and would be happy to purge a great deal of the stuff we have.

This  then sort of saddened me because I then realized that it was all really just clutter and that there was actually very little in my home (inanimate) that I considered really really special.

This made me sad because I thought that when I do pop my clogs, there really won’t be much around that speaks of ‘me’ to those poor bastards charged with going through said stuff.

Blogs and paperbacks don’t really count do they?  Or do they?   Are we finally behind the generations that had vast amounts of dishes and cutlery stored away for ’special’ occasions that no one actually recalls ever being allowed to use?  Are we finally behind the generations with collections of  Royal Doulton figurines?

Do people still register for stuff like that when they get married?

I don’t even have a hutch to keep such things!  And if I did it would probably have Pat’s Drop Ship, Gort and Millennium Falcon in it instead!

I mean, don’t get me wrong..people have bought me special stuff.   Pat alone has picked up jewellery and so on that DOES in fact mean a lot to me.  My mom goes out of her way to find special books, art, dishes etc..that she feels will resonate with me, but I think because they were given to me, I don’t have the ownership emotionally or something of the objects…they don’t define me.  They define how others perceive me.

And then their is the kids stuff.   I do have boxes that I keep a selection of art and so on…but I honestly feel very little in guilt when I toss the daily amount of trees killed in the name of elementary school projects.

I also have ‘memory’ boxes for each of them…which are a bit bare…though both Adam and Caity have letters in them from me when they were born and wee and I need to do that for Tara too.  This blog should NOT be their only trip down memory lane!

Which brings me to the original thought around this post.

While clearing the clutter, it has come to my notice  that we now have amassed a small collection of Adam’s teeth.

Eww  or Awww…whichever suits you I guess.

So am wondering…to all of you (3) out there…when do I stop ‘treasuring’ them after the tooth fairy has done her work?  I don’t have to keep every single one do I?

With three kids..that is a LOT of teeth!

How many is sentimental and how many is creepy…you tell me.

New Years Eve that is.

Yup 2009 is drawing to an end.   TV, Radio and the blogosphere is FILLED with 2009 retrospectives and talks of what will be in 2010.

In reality the big switchover to a new year really doesn’t mean much.  A new calendar and remembering to write ‘10 instead of ‘09 on things like cheques.  And at the end of 1999, the end of the world..or so they thought.  Now we are waiting for 2012 for that to occur…again.

But for many reasons the acknowledgement of a New Year has struck a chord with humanity…no matter what date that might occur depending on where you live and what your background is.

I grew up in Scotland.  Hogmanay  is a HUGE celebration leading up to the new year.   The traditions go back to ancient times and pagan rituals have been mixed in with more contemporary ideas as time wore on.   Being that Christmas was a regular working day in Scotland until 1958, celebrating New Years had far more cultural and celebratory importance for a very long time.   This push towards New Years was also excacerbated by the staunch Presbyterianism in Scotland that discouraged ‘Christmas’ celebrations.

I am sure my mom has stories about parties and so on, but I was a child and just remember being allowed to stay up late and more of the ‘rituals’ of the event that have stuck with me throughout the years.

The biggest and anxiety inducing event was actually AFTER the fact…After midnight was and is traditionally the time to visit and be visited.  And you had to make sure your ‘First Foot’ was a male and preferably, tall, dark and handsome for good luck in the following year.  This sucks if you don’t know anyone like that.

I don’t recall anyone coming to our house after midnight, but I do remember mom going on about WHO was the first on the door step the next day.

Preparing around the house for the New Year is what has stuck with me the most.   My mom always liked to change the linens.  So that we started the year with a clean bed!    You also swept the front door for your impending first foots too.

So cleaning has sort of stuck with me as the thing you have to do…and even here, right now…while I am sitting here typing unwashed and in my jammies TOTALLY sleep deprived…I am having twinges of anxiety about NOT having cleaned up around the place!

As a child, I didn’t really get what the deal was…only that if ‘felt’ important.  I am sure that is how my kids view it today.   Only now really at the ripe old age of 7, does Adam start to see WHY we were ‘counting down’…and I had a chuckle listening to him remind and explain it all to his little sister.

And yes, New Years is different things to different people.  For the young or young at heart, the eve is an excuse for a big party…a time to drink a leeeetle too much.   January first being the day you swear that you will never ever drink again!

Oh how many mornings did I say that over the years….sigh.

I remember some really fun parties.  I remember some really stupid parties.  I remember getting anxious about what is now totally stupid. How being young and single meant you HAD to find SOMEONE to kiss at the stroke of midnight.  I remember the smugness of HAVING someone to kiss at the stroke of midnight.

I remember enjoying going from souless and over priced clubs to house parties to see the New Year in.  Then it was MAYBE at someone’s house for drinks and dinner or at our place…but quiet..more relaxed.

Now, with children in the picture, I am lucky if I can frankly LAST till midnight.  And while I honestly HATE all the New Years shows on the television, I will gamely watch them with the kids.   I will bring out the noise makers and bang pots and pans on the door step..for them.

So the rituals keep going.  The feeling of importance lives on as we steel (with a tad bit of trepidation) ourselves for what another year will bring us and the rest of the world.

Tonight we will spend the evening with friends who are also parents and the celebrations will revolve around them and we will look briefly into the past, grumble about the present and wonder about the future.

Oh and check out the Edinburgh Hogmanay website to see how celebrating New Years is REALLY done.   Compared to Vancouver…which sucks lame weenies.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve….tomorrow we will be driving around to do that whole ‘family’ thing.      Those ‘things’ you do for Christmas.

Christmas Day will be an orgy of over hyped kids opening too many gifts.  You know how it works.

I suppose I am really lucky to have family to drive around to see.   I have lots of family really.    People scattered all over.  Lots of people that we don’t see over the holidays.   But lots of people that we think about.

And think about us.

My kids have had a blast this year due to all the PACKAGES that have arrived in the mail.  There really is nothing like mysterious packages being delivered to your door.

And who has delivered these packages?  Well one arrived filled with mysterious wrapped gifts for all the kids from a fairly distant cousin.   She (I think) is the cousin of my Grandfather.   She is a lovely woman who I have only met once, but send cards and so on.  She lives on the Island and is in her 80’s.

She has knit beautiful blankets for the kids too.

She have never met the kids.

Yet she does this every year now.

My uncle also sent the kids stuff this year too!

The craziest was a long lost cousin that my mom found through her genealogical searches.  She lives in Ontario!   How awesome is that!?

I love the  idea that through these packages my kids know that there is a world out there where people care for them.   That no matter what happens to me or their dad, there are people out there who care.

I think that is really important.

I think that feeling has kept me going through the years.

And not just from family.

So many people who are not related to me have been kind and helpful to me on many many levels over the years.   The kindness that has been shown to me in all the various forms humbles me.   But it also encloses me in a warm and loving embrace of togetherness.  It protects me from the bad.   Holds me to this place.

Holds me to this existence.

When things were bad for mom and me…it was friends, not family who took us in.  Gave us a warm and safe place to stay.

When we faced our first Christmas with little funds for gifts…it was friends who made sure there was a pile of gifts under the tree for me.

Friends rushed to comfort me when I lost my baby.

Friends have rushed to share our joy when Tara was born.  And to help with all the stuff that babies need.

Friends showing us as much love as family can do.

Christmas memories for me are filled with not just the fun and magic of opening gifts and the thrill that ‘Santa had been’..but I also remember feeling anxious sitting in  other families homes, of not feeling part of THOSE families despite the blood that connected us together….of feeling strange and apart.   And just wanting to be home.

I also have memories of spending Christmas with friends and how much fun that was.    How sharing in someone else’s family seemed warm and inviting…yet distant enough to walk away from it all without any baggage attached.

The experiences I have had in my life have taught me that blood is NOT thicker than water.

That love and caring can come from all around us.

That sometimes friendship is more important than family.    That family is what you MAKE of the love around you….no matter where it comes from.

Now that I have my only little family….I have been more than happy to spend Christmas building a cocoon of love and comfort around them.

Christmases have been small….we hunker down.   We feel the presence of those family members no long with us.   We hang on to the one’s we hold dear.

But we also open our hearts and minds and arms to all those other people that make us feel loved.  To all the friends out there.

And I want my kids to understand that…to never feel that our family is just it.  That there is love everywhere for them.

That Christmases can be spent in any shape or form…as long as they are spent with people who care for you as much as you care for them.

So all of you…..a Merry Christmas